


Decorating

by CMDAK



Category: James Bond (Craig movies)
Genre: Christmas, Christmas Tree, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-25
Updated: 2015-12-25
Packaged: 2018-05-09 07:29:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,204
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5531003
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CMDAK/pseuds/CMDAK
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Q is away on a mission and Alec decides that the house would look better if they decorated it. James goes along with it and Q's cats are demons.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Decorating

**Author's Note:**

> Thought JAQ deserved a little Xmas story of its own. Not the best, but I tried. Also, done at work so more mistakes than usual, sorry about that (yes, Merry xmas from work, yaay) 
> 
> Hope you all enjoy~

The days when James woke up after Alec or Q were rare and when they happened, one of his lovers were more than happy to wake him up in a special day. But today things were different and he woke up alone, both sides of the bed cold and that scared him a little. Firstly because he woke up from a nightmare in which he was stained from head to toe in his lovers’ blood and secondly because he clearly heard someone trying to nail something as silently as it was possible.

 

That someone was Alec because Q was away on a mission with 004 – neither one of them was happy about that and Alec had threatened the other agent to hang him by his own intestines if he returned Q with so much as a single scratch – despite the fact that Christmas was just around the corner. Not that he or Alec considered the holiday to be special or magical in any way, but Q had grumbled about that while putting back the clothes he and Alec took out of his luggage.

 

“You’re only complicating things and trying to delay the inevitable,” Q had said when Alec outright hid his bags. “Why not let me finish packing so you could send me off in a way that we’ll all enjoy?” He smirked at them as he backed into the bed, licking his lips and only needing to open a single button on his shirt before both of his lovers took over, covering him in kisses and bites to let the world know that the young boffin had very eager lovers waiting for him back home.

 

They were animals in moments like those, needing to feed off of Q’s warmth and touches, to be sure that he was there and to take away as much as possible in case one of them never returned home. It was their resolution that in the final moments of their lives, no matter where they were or what they were forced to go through, they’d remember a time when they experienced pure pleasure and what it felt like to be human.

 

Q wasn’t bothered by that and freely gave the man what they wanted, rubbing against them and pulling them as close as humanly possible when everything was over. “I’ll be home before either one of you knows it and M assured me that none of you will be called out of their vacation while I am away,” Q whispered, planting soft kisses on their temples.

 

“I’d prefer it if you’d stay home with us,” James muttered. “Would the world really end if R went with 004 instead of you?”

 

Q sat up and pulled James’ head to his chest, kissing it. “My selfish and forgetful lover; would you really be happy knowing that you sent a new mother out in the field?” James thought for a moment and slowly shook his head, clinging to him.

 

“Then send five of your other minions, or ten,” Alec chimed in, lips against his ear. “Stay with us and let them deal with 004. The field is no place for the head of a department that should have the world kneel in front of him.” He sounded like the snake offering Eve an apple, dragging his hands slowly down Q’s sides, tongue slipping in his ear.

 

Q shivered and for a moment, it looked like he was going to let the world burn. But of course he didn’t because out of all three of them, Q had the strongest moral compass - compass which broke the second someone did anything bad to James or Alec, in which case people would have to wrestle his laptop away from his hands before he erased home city of the person who wronged his lovers.

 

They got to the airport early - although Alec had did his best to get them lost and when James took over, he managed to blow out three out of the four tires on purpose - and they took their time saying their goodbyes, kissing, nuzzling, hugging, and ignoring the looks of disgust or jealousy that were thrown their way, 004 pretty much having to play tug of war with the other two agents to get Q on the plane - and Q looked sour not just because he was leaving his lovers alone, but because plane.

 

A loud thud followed by a scream and a long string of cusses made it clear that there was no way for James to go back to sleep so with defeated sigh, he rolled out of bed and ran in the direction the Russian was coming from, fire extinguisher in hand because it was Alec.

 

He found the man in his underwear, rolling on the ground, hand nestled between his knees, the ceiling half-covered in mistletoe. “I am afraid to ask you this, but what are you doing? And please tell me that you didn’t actually nail those things up there.”

 

The guilty look Alec managed to give him had him calculate how much it was going to take to fix everything. “Q is coming back tonight, so I thought we should decorate because it will be the first Christmas we spend together.”

 

James furrowed his brows. Having moved in together just three months after officialising their relationship with Q and being one month shy of their one year anniversary, they were still learning small details about the younger man. The way he behaved when Christmas was involved was still a big mystery to them.

 

“Are you sure he celebrates it?” James asked, putting a pack of ice over Alec’s almost bleeding index finger. “I know for sure that he isn’t Jewish, but maybe he’s the type who couldn’t care less about this and finds it annoying?”

 

The two of them weren’t that type; the holiday simply lost all of its meaning when their parents had died. They saw that moment in their lives as definitive proof that God and Santa didn’t exist, so they stopped carrying about it. As adults, they simply thought of Christmas as the time of the year in which they had to be even more careful in public places when they were running missions because there were more civilians.

 

Alec tilted his head the way he did whenever he thought deeply, one of Q’s cats deciding that his shoulder was the best place for a nap - never mind it was the seven year-old, six kilos cat whose claws hadn’t been trimmed in one month because only could do that without losing an eye.

 

“Well, his office was always decked like Santa was living there and he had that tinsel as a tie last Christmas. Then the one before that, he had a Santa hat and the one before that, he had that horrible cardigan on with reindeer on it,” Alec said after a while, both of them shivering when they remembered that particulate article of clothing.

 

“For once in your life, you have a valid point.” James quickly jumped back when Alec tried to hit his toes with the hammer, groaning at the large dent left behind. “Really? And it’s right in the middle of the room. Q’s either going to notice it right away or trip on it and we both know which one’s going to be.”

 

Q had a habit of learning the layout of a room and then not looking where he was going, which had been a disaster the first two weeks they moved in together because Alec’s and James’ habit was to always move things around their apartment. But this time, Alec did not look worried at all. “It’s okay, we’ll put the Christmas tree over it and he’ll go around this spot for months. We will definitely fix the floor by then.”

 

James looked around the room, sticking his head in the hallway and even going outside their apartment because he was a light sleeper and Alec was incapable of being silent when he wasn’t out on a mission, so he would have heard the man bring in a tree. “What Christmas tree?”

 

Alec’s grin was terrifying. “The perfect one we’re going to get as soon as you drink your coffee and get dressed.” He pushed James towards the bedroom. “Actually, we’re running late, so we’ll stop at a gas station so you can buy one. And when I say buy, I mean chop one down.” He pulled an axe out from under their bed and James groaned.

 

“We’re going to get arrested on Christmas Eve,” he muttered, face hidden in the palms of his hands. “Do I want to know what else you are hiding under there? Does Q?”

 

Alec thought for a moment. “Not really, no. But if it helps, there is nothing that might suddenly blow up. Now get dressed; we don’t have any time to waste since Q’s flight lands at ten at night and we _have_ to have everything done by then.”

 

It was pretty obvious that Alec was having the time of his life doing this, so James decided to roll with it and intervene only if he went too far. Even if Q hated Christmas, he wouldn’t say a word and just smile through the whole thing just because Alec was happy – just like he hated suits, but still wore them for James on certain occasions and just like Alec and he hated museums and musicals, but went and didn’t complain because Q was positively ecstatic about them.

 

Their first stop on the way to the nearest forest – James needing only to point out that all the trees in the parks were either the wrong kind or not special enough for Q to convince Alec not to chop down any of them – was a shop to buy some decorations. It was decided that they should all be in Q’s favourite colour – blue – and mix it with silver. What they didn’t decide was how much they were going to spend on said decorations and on how many they were going to buy, so they ended up with their car half-full of them.

 

“We’ll just use as much of them as we can then dump the rest on Q’s minions. He does have a bigger lair than the last year and I am sure that no one had time to buy more baubles and whatnot,” Alec said as he struggled to close the trunk without destroying anything. Then he said something neither of them thought he would ever say. “You’ll have to drive carefully or else we’ll end up with bags of nothing but shards.”

 

Some of the minions that were watching them – it was very clear that every CCTV camera in the city zoomed in on their car and it didn’t take a genius to realize why that was happening or what branch was behind that – would say that a Christmas miracle happened because James did just that. He respected the speed limit, waited for the lights to turn green, slowed down when they turned yellow and actually changed lanes only after signalling that he was doing so.

 

It took them three hours to get out of the city and both of them were slowly starting to hate the holiday due to how infernal traffic was. Why was everyone waiting until the last minute to get out of town? Wouldn’t it make much more sense if they left with at least one day before the big even that lead to an even bigger event?

 

“Sure, the traffic would have been hell yesterday,” Alec grumbled, glaring outside the window at a little boy that was sticking his tongue out at him, “but at least today would have been so much easier for us. I have half of mind to drop everything and _walk_ back home.”

 

Normally, James would have instantly turned the car around, already at his wit’s end with all the bells that were jingling on every bloody radio station available, but things were different this time. Not only were they doing this crazy thing for Q – who may or may not like the final result – but he also somehow managed to get invested in it.

 

“I’ll just pick the first tree I—”

 

“Over my dead body,” Alec interrupted before James could even finish. “You have horrible tastes.”

 

“I picked you,” he pointed out. Not entirely wrong, but not really how it happened. It was more a case of both of them stumbling into each other and deciding to roll with it until it became clear that they had actual _feelings_ for each other.

 

“You simply got lucky. And don’t think about bringing Q into this, because we both know that he picked us.”

 

James smiled, remembering the party that ended with Q straddling him and kissing Alec in their apartment, clothes disappearing in a flash. They fell asleep only when the sun was starting to rise and they woke up two hours later to a Q trying to sneak out. Alec had shot up from the bed and wrapped his arms around his chest, pulling him to lie back with them.

 

“This is not how a one night stand ends, Alec,” Q had whispered, his voice hoarse. “You two are supposed to pretend to still be asleep until I leave and then never mention the previous night again.”

 

“Why not make the one night stand into a one day one? Neither of us have to check in and you have to admit that this is a much more pleasant way of spending the day then locked away in your dungeon, fiddling with various dangerous toys,” James offered, busying himself with undoing Q’s badly done buttons and wrongly zipped zippers.

 

Q hesitated just for a moment before nodding and becoming putty in their hands. That was the start of their sordid affair that was consumed at every opportunity and in every dark corner available until they all admitted to themselves that only they mattered to each other and no one else.

 

“Stop the car!” Alec shouted and then glared at James when one of the boxes of baubles hit him in the head. “I didn’t mean for you to do it like an animal,” he grumbled, both of them checking to make sure that nothing was broken.

 

James huffed and followed Alec out of the car, zipping up his coat. “How else did you expect me to stop it when you said it like that?”

 

Picking the right tree ended up being a lot harder than either one of them originally thought it was going to be. They were too small, too bare, not the right shade of green, big enough to be placed in the middle of a small town, didn’t smell right, or their needles weren’t ‘needle-y’ enough – James had no idea where Alec was pulling all of those requirements and it shocked him a little that he agreed that they needed to be met. But then their eyes landed on the perfect one and they set about chopping it down, Alec narrowly avoiding getting hit by it when it came down.

 

James cringed a little when he saw how many scratches the car ended up with after they strapped the tree to its roof, but Q would understand and forgive them. They were stopped by the cops three times by the time they got home and each and every time, a mysterious phone call kept the officers from arresting or fining them – they weren’t exactly sure that what they had done was legal and they only had licences to kill humans, not trees.

 

“Remind me to ask Q who was on call tonight in his branch so we can properly thank them for their help,” James said and Alec agreed, trying to get the tree up to the main room without poking their eyes out or ruining it.

 

Only when they stepped inside the room did apartment, they realize that the tree was much too tall. “We can fix this,” Alec insisted, dragging the tree to the middle of the room, eyeing the floor.

 

“We’re not cutting a hole,” James deadpanned. “We can cut a part of the tree to get it to fit, but not the floor. Q is going to flip if we do that.”

 

Alec measured the tree and the distance from the celling to the floor then, under the judgemental looks of the cats, the two started to chop the tree’s lower half. By the time they were done, they had needles where needles shouldn’t be and the cats were mewling like the end of the world was coming, shaking their legs in an attempt to dislodge the green menaces from between their paw cushions.

 

James took on the almost Sisyphean task of helping Q’s beloveds while Alec figured out how to work the vacuum cleaner before they both started to decorate the tree. They didn’t know what they were doing, so they looked at as many pictures of decorated trees on the net, finally doing a semi-decent job when the clock struck seven in the afternoon.

 

James glanced at the star and then at Alec, both nodding in silent agreement. That was something for Q to put on top, a metaphor for how he completed things.

They covered all the rooms in tinsel and Christmas lights, Alec ruining a lot of wrapping paper and scotch tape trying to make their gifts for Q look exactly like in those horribly sappy and ridiculous TV movies. It was so funny that a man who could disassemble and reassemble a gun in less than a minute with one hand tied behind his back and his eyes covered was having such a hard time covering a few boxes with paper, but in his defence, Q’s cats weren’t making it easy.

 

One pawed at Alec to get his attention while the other plopped on top of the gift box or in the middle of the paper that was just about to be used, digging its claws in it and ruining, forcing Alec to have to cut another piece. Or they would carefully smell the scotch tape before suddenly attacking it and getting it stuck to their backs, forcing Alec to chase around after them.

 

“I’ll put them in the bedroom until you’re done,” James offered, finally taking pity on his lover.

 

Of course the two cats objected to being treated in such a way and mewled as loud as they could, pawed at the door and even jumped on the door handle, trying to open it. But James had locked the door, so there was no way for the two demons to get out of there short of clawing their way out.

 

“As soon as I am done wrapping the gifts, I’ll let you out and give you all the treats in the world,” Alec promised and creepily enough, the mewling stopped. Of course Q’s cats would be smart enough to understand what they were being told and in moments like these, both agents were happy that Q couldn’t actually understand them - they didn’t really get along and although they never did anything to them, they had a feeling that the cats would make up crazy stories just so Q would fawn over them more than over his lovers.

 

When they were finally let out, they stopped mid-attack when they saw all the new shiny things. They started to carefully sniff the tree, one getting distracted by its own reflection for a good five minutes before it got startled by a tinsel string falling on its head.

 

Taking a step back to observe their handiwork, Alec resting his hands on his hips and looking mighty proud of everything, James rubbed the back of his head. “It looks…festive.” That was the only unoffensive word that crossed James’ mind because telling Alec that it looked like a Christmas bomb had exploded and then Santa Clause puked fake candy canes, sparkly angels and multicoloured balls and lights all over their house might make him feel bad.

 

Alec hummed, smile suddenly disappearing. “You’re right; it’s horrible. Let’s see if one of Q’s minions can help us blackmail someone who does decorations for a living.”

 

James managed to grab the back of his shirt and wrestle the phone out of his hand before he actually dialled someone. “Alec, he’ll like it because we did it.” He let out a grunt when Alec sank his teeth in his arm and they continued to roll around on the ground, shirts disappearing, lips getting bruised in hungry kisses.

 

Their little bubble popped when they heard something break and they both turned around to look at the tree, eyes widening when they saw the cats jumping around on the branches, smacking the baubles out of it. Before they could even get up, the eldest of the cats - Q’s beloved Turing - jumped out of the tree and grabbed on to a string of lights. That was the beginning of the end of the decorations.

 

A destructive domino effect was produce, Turing being too fat for the lights to hold his weight so he fell down, pulling them and everything else that had been nailed to the wall with him, scaring Einstein who bolted out of the tree, string of tinsel caught to his leg.

 

When the tree came down, its top dragged against the ceiling and it started to ‘snow with mistletoe. The loud noise scared the two cats even more and they continued to run around the house, destroying everything in their path. Alec and James sat as still as possible, waiting for everything to be over.

 

“Oh my God, what happened?” Q’s voice came from the door just as the cats ran out of things to destroy, dropping his bags and keys on the ground. “Bond! Trevelyan! What in God’s name did you two do here?” He shouted, taking off his glasses and rubbing his face.

 

Ever so slowly, the two got up, looking sheepishly at their fuming lover. “Merry Christmas?” Alec tried, jumping over the larger piles of glass to get to the fallen tree and dig around for his present.

 

“We don’t actually celebrate Christmas, but Alec thought you might,” James explained, Q’s face softening somewhat. “We might have gone overboard just a tad and we didn’t take into account your cats’ reaction to so many shiny things.”

 

He let Alec give Q his present first, the man picking Q up before he even glanced at the box and carried him to the sofa bridal style to be sure that he wouldn’t cut his feet on anything. He placed a kiss on his forehead, pulling him in his lap so James could sit down next to them. “What are you doing home so early, moya zvezda? Your plane wasn’t supposed to land for another two hours.”

 

Relaxing even more when James started to massage his feet, Q seemed to forget about the disaster that was surrounding them. “I wanted to surprise you, but I see the surprise was on me.” He smiled and gently caressed Alec’s face, rubbing James’ stomach with his feet. “Thank you, loves. I appreciate the gesture and I feel even worse for not having had time to buy you an actual gift.”

 

James chuckled, taking the box away from his lap and running his hands up Q’s side, pushing himself between his legs. “But love, you brought home our favourite gift.”

 

Alec started to nibble on Q’s neck, working on unbuttoning his shirt. “And we’ll be extra careful unwrapping it.”

 

They got interrupted, of course, because if there was one thing Q’s cats hated even more than the two agents even so much as touching their side of the bed, was their beloved master not paying enough attention to then. But their little fit backfired because they had sunk their claws too deep in James’ back and Q berated them instantly, banishing them to the guest room.

 

“And I do not want to see your two adorable faces for at least two hours,” he said seriously and the cats lowered their heads, tails tucked between their legs. “Go on now, don’t make me tell you a second time.” And, in the usual creepy manner, the cats understood and left the room, each letting out a pathetic mewl that they hoped would soften their master’s heart.

 

But Q was far too busy fussing over James, kissing his back after using disinfectant on his wounds - more painful than the actual scratches - and helping him to their bedroom. Of course James was acting even more wounded than he was, Alec hitting him in the shins when Q had his back turned to them, forgetting that their younger lover saw all.

 

“Alec, do you want to sleep with the cats tonight?” Alec quickly shook his head, patting James’ head and placing a kiss on top of it. “Then stop antagonizing James and help me make a safe path to the kitchen and bathroom and I promise I’ll let you tear open this gift.” He shook his hips and the man was suddenly holding a broom.

 

“Hey, isn’t the wounded man supposed to get more love?” James called out, jumping out of bed.

**Author's Note:**

> Moya zvezda • (Моя звезда) – my star 
> 
> Merry Xmas to all~


End file.
